anata
by actuallyitsstar
Summary: Yuri & Natsuki have always butted heads, and their friend group within the club and outside of it, too, has come to accept that it will never change between them. but this time, it feels different. this time, it seems as though they are both beginning to see that they don't have to be the same to be friends. it's bumpy and awkward at times, but will the reward be there in the end?


**a/n: ****based on the suggestion in the "good" timeline where Sayori is club president, that Yuri & Natsuki are going to go shopping together to show each other manga and novels. gen, I suppose, or shipping if you squint. read to the end for further notes!**

**[ Saturday, 11:41 AM ]**

Yuri's long fingers hovered over the spine of first one book, then another, along the bountiful shelves of the bookstore. The decorated signs marked the genres of each section, dangling far above Natsuki's head, but not so far from Yuri's. The older girl had an advantage, being able to see the titles on the shelves that were too far for Natsuki to see or reach.

The younger girl squinted up at the towering shelves, her expression hovering somewhere between resignation and disdain. This was her idea, after all, and she does not go back on her word, not for anything- so she's not going to back out. In fact, now that she's made the suggestion, she will commit to it fully, deciding to do her absolute best at the task. But the issue is that the task is to be open minded about the long, stuffy books she's never had the patience for. Of course- she's also just never had enough money to pay for them. She's gotten the required school books from the library, but she's had to pay for two that were... casualties of her home life. She's just never enjoyed novels.

But manga is her life, if she's being honest, and if reading a stuffy novel is what it takes to show Yuri that she's right about the literature she reads, then she'll tackle it with all her mite. And besides, this is supposed to be about being open minded. Maybe she'll like the stuffy novel. Maybe it won't even be stuffy. Maybe, it will be good.

It's not like she thought Yuri had bad taste or something. That is- she wasn't saying the older girl had perfect taste either. But she didn't suck. That's all.

"Well? Have you found anything yet?" She was impatient, but not too invested; or trying not to seem so, at any rate.

Yuri cast a glance down to her younger friend, lilac eyes on her face. "Natsuki, we've only just gotten here. I haven't had time to really think much at all." She hesitated, a blush rising to her cheeks in spite of herself. "If you've- changed your mind, then- then that's alright. I mean, I'd understand if you didn't want to-"

"Hey, I didn't say that! All I did was ask a question. I didn't mean anything by it. Jeeze." Natsuki rolled her eyes, but she did her best to seem like she was very patient for the next several minutes. In the interest of giving herself something to focus on, she turned her attention around the shop. She wasn't the most observant person in the world, naturally, but experience had taught her always to be somewhat wary of her surrounds, and she enjoyed the movement and noise of other people. Usually, they served as a nice distraction.

Every once in a while, she heard the sound of a cash register near the front beeping, as a new customer was rung up with their purchases. The smell of paper and ink hung heavy in the air, but it wasn't unpleasant. If she was being honest, Natsuki finds it calming. She ran her eyes down the isles as they passed them; a lot of people stood in solitary isles, scanning the books, reading their inside-covers, choosing a story to take home with them. She hadn't seen anyone else that's shopping with a friend. Maybe there was a reason for that.

"Actually, I have a better idea," she said finally. Yuri's eyes swung around to her with a slight fear in them that made her feel a pit in her stomach. Why is it that everything she said made Yuri upset? She wanted to try being better friends with her and she felt like all she ever did was make the older girl unhappy. _Maybe they're right- maybe you really do have a toxic personality._ She blinked away the dumb voice in her head, which she doesn't want to listen to, and forged ahead before Yuri could begin her inevitable string of rambling apologies.

"I'm gonna go pick a manga out for you to read, and you can stay here and pick out a book for me. And then we'll wrap them and we'll surprise each other with them after."

Yuri hesitated, looking first at Natsuki and then to the side, opening her mouth to speak, but still pausing.

"And it's not because of anything about you so don't say you're sorry for anything. It's gonna be fun, okay? It's like Christmas or something."

Finally, Yuri smiled a little and nodded. "Alright. That sounds- nice. I, uh- look forward to seeing what you choose for me."

Natsuki nodded assertively. "I'll pick something you'll _like_. I know about this stuff!" She waited a beat, before adding, "I know you'll pick something good, too."

Yuri smiled a bit wider. "I'll certainly try."

"After we get them, we'll go to the park and trade, okay?" Natsuki didn't want to exchange books in the store, nor did she really want to do it on the street outside, but she wanted to be there when Yuri opened hers for the first time. Besides, if she took Yuri somewhere, they'll get to spend more time together. She hoped Yuri would like that. She said it like it was a demand, but a part of her was very afraid Yuri would object to it.

"I'd like that," Yuri agreed. "If you're sure I won't be keeping you from anything?"

"Of course not. I already said I wanted to, didn't I? I'll see you there, then!"

Natsuki took that as her out, and off she headed to the other end of the shop, where the manga lived. These shelves were also tall, but they had a base that extended in front of them, where the most popular volumes and series are. If she needed something from the top, she could use that as a step-stool. It wouldn't be the first time.

Slowly, she perused the shelves. Brightly colored signs hung overhead mark the genres, the sales, and the new arrivals. She didn't usually come to this shop; it's a ways from where she lives. Her Papa was supposed to be out all day that day, so she felt safe in deciding to be farther away from home. He shouldn't get home before her.

It was about half an hour later that she emerged from the manga section with the three volumes of a short series under her arm. She didn't want to get just one, since Yuri was a fast reader. She might be able to read one in a night if she didn't have any other plans.

She checked the isles she walked by for Yuri like a secret agent, intent on being unseen as she paid for the books and got out of the shop. But, she didn't end up seeing the older girl- she would note her long, dark-plum hair from anywhere, surely- so she made her way to the checkout counter.

**[ 12:37 PM ]**

The bell overhead rang as she pushed out the door, the two books, which she requested to be wrapped in the plain white paper that was intended for wrapping breakables, tucked securely under an arm. She made as much haste as possible on short legs, stepping quickly down the sidewalk, towards the park she'd mentioned.

Halfway there, however, she paused, her eyes straying to the window of a shop nearby. It's a stationary shop, and it's already on her way there. She might as well.

A pit-stop having been made, the rose-haired girl stood outside and sorted her purchases, moving towards a nearby bench. A sheet of cute stickers, a pink ribbon, and a glitter gel pen emerge from the plastic bag, and she quickly covers the plain white paper in them. Her eyes study the canvas at hand, trying to decide how best to space and angle each one. Finally, the ribbon is tied round in a simple bow, and with the pen, she scrawls a hasty, but shimmering To Yuri, complete with a small hand-drawn heart.

Shoving the pen into her pocket, she picked the package up carefully, trying not to smear the ink or accidentally peel off any stickers, and she rushed off towards the park, hoping she wouldn't be late. Yuri might think she was abandoning her or something, but Yuri had longer legs.

She darted around the corner column marking the park entrance, and slows to a walk, scanning the mildly-crowded greenspace. Yuri better not have run off!... Of course, Natsuki would blame herself if she had. But she better not have.

**[ 1:25 PM ]**

Ah, there she was! Sitting near a water fountain up the main path, looking mildly uncomfortable with all of the people around. Natsuki picked up the pace, trotting over to her dark-haired friend.

"Hey! I found you after all. I was starting to think you weren't here. I'd have been mad if you didn't come." True to form, Natsuki is all prickle and no cushion.

"Natsuki!- I was concerned you'd decided against coming as well," Yuri admitted, her hands clasped awkwardly in her lap. "But I'm, uh- glad that you did."

"Yeah, I am too," Natsuki says, after some hesitation. Quickly, she forces the subject elsewhere, thrusting her decorated package into Yuri's hands. "Here! It's the manga I picked."

"Oh!- I- thank you," Yuri stammered, taking the paper wrapped parcel after a moment of hesitation. Her eyes took in the package's decor with a quick scan, and perhaps in spite of herself, a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "I have yours here." She placed the package in her lap with care, and reached behind her. Natsuki resisted the urge to crane her neck and see it sooner.

"I'm- sorry the design isn't much, but I do hope you'll like it." Yuri was speaking somewhat hesitantly when she pulled her package into view. It was wrapped in the same white paper, but it was accented with a dark blue ribbon, tied into a simple, but elegant bow. A paragraph's worth of Yuri's flowing handwriting was situated in one corner.

"You don't need to keep apologizing! You're gonna make me feel weird." Natsuki took the package, and tilted it so that she can see the writing. Her mind caught up with her first, however, as she looked up again to add, "Look, whatever you do is nice because you did it. And you're my friend, so I'm gonna like it, okay? Don't worry about it." Natsuki wasn't going to mention how incredibly nervous she was about Yuri opening her package, or how relieved she was when the older girl didn't balk at it's decor.

Yuri averted her gaze, but quickly brought it back to Natsuki's face. "I'm glad. I suppose I do apologize too much. I enjoy seeing the things you've chosen to express yourself with, so I guess I can believe you'd feel the same about me."

Natsuki nodded, adding "Good," as she again tilted the package to read Yuri's note.

"Ah-" Yuri reached forward half-way, interrupting.

Natsuki glanced up. "What?"

"I'd... prefer if you left that until- later." Yuri looked uncomfortable, and like she wanted to look away, but she was trying her best to hold her ground.

Natsuki looked back at her, quizzically, for a moment, before nodding again. "...Okay," she said finally. It seemed important to Yuri, so she would agree, this time.

"Well- who should open theirs first?" Came Yuri's question a moment later.

"Hmm. You can- if you want."

Natsuki watched Yuri shift her gaze to the package in her lap, nodding resolutely. "Alright. I will." She picked it up, turning it over in her hands a time or two, before carefully sliding her long fingers under the seam on the bottom. Natsuki wasn't surprised that Yuri took paper off of presents like it was meant to be saved. If anyone she knew was going to be that careful of a person, it would have to be Yuri.

When the paper fell free, it revealed all three volumes of a series entitled _Uzumaki_. The front cover pictured several slightly distorted girl's faces in floating circles, a monotone color scheme accented in red.

"It's a horror series," Natsuki said quickly. "I got you all three, because for a manga, it's kinda short. It's sort of a classic, but I thought it seemed like something you'd like. It was- one of the first ones I read." She'd been very young, thinking manga was stupid, but some boy in her class has lent her his dad's copy of the first volume, and she'd been genuinely captivated and frightened by the horror genre it was styled in. Seeing a manga for its plot and characters, instead of as a dumb cute picture book, had changed her entire perspective on the format.

Yuri was smiling- not a huge smile, but a small one that seemed very genuine. Natsuki was still very nervous, ready to defend her choices, but it didn't seem she would need to. "Thank you, Natsuki. I'm impressed. I do like horror very much, and this looks interesting. I promise to give it a fair try. It seems like- something I might like."

Natsuki felt the weight lift from her chest with Yuri's words, smiling a tiny bit, although that wasn't something that she normally did. "Good. I think you will. I make good choices." She glanced down to the package beside her. "I'll open yours now," she said resolutely.

She was nervous about not liking it, or about her reaction not being right, but she had never been one to back down from things that concerned or scared her. If she needed to take charge of something, she would, even if she wasn't happy about it. Interestingly enough, though, in this case, she was rather excited to see what was inside the paper- but still a little scared.

Normally, the younger girl would go tearing into the wrapping of any present, but in this case, she had to preserve the writing Yuri had put on the front. Keeping this in mind, it was with mild hesitation that she slid her thumb into the seam on the end, ripping off the back of the paper with some aggression. The front, however, fell away intact, and she snapped it up and folded it in half, so that the writing was on the inside. She folded it up even further, eventually shoving it into her pocket. "There. I'll read it later like you said."

Yuri nodded her appreciation to this announcement, and Natsuki turned her attention to the novel. It wasn't that thick, which was already a relief to her. It was a paper-back, and the cover featured a modern, all-black design inter-spliced with a patchwork of vibrant colors that spilled from a stylized illustration of a young girl on the cover. _Moshi Moshi_, the title of the novel, loomed large in an eccentric font alongside the author's name, _Banana Yoshimoto. _

Natsuki turned the novel over in her hands, feeling the weight of the pages bound within it. She had expected to be filled with trepidation or disinterest, faced with a boring novel that she'd have to read, but instead, she finds a strange feeling of curiosity settle over her. Her choice for Yuri was obvious- Yuri liked horror novels and the classics, so she chose a classic horror-genre manga. But Yuri's choice for her was not so obvious, and in fact, at an initial glance she didn't know why Yuri was inspired to choose it for her. That question in her head was the kind of thing she would have expected to put her off, but she had decided to be the best at being open-minded today, and she was intrigued instead- a development she felt she never could have guessed was coming.

Yuri sat in what could only be described as uncomfortable silence, wringing her hands together in her lap, over top the manga volumes she had carefully cradled there. She wouldn't meet Natsuki's eyes and she not only hadn't said anything, but was totally silent, not making a single sound. Other than her twisting hands, she was as still as a statue. Natsuki wasn't good at that sort of thing, but clearly, it was up to her to make this go smoothly.

"I think this looks interesting." It was an oddly forceful statement for the occasion- voiced almost like some kind of a demand. But Natsuki wasn't good at this sort of thing, and she knew it. So did Yuri. If they were going to be friends- and Natsuki does _not_ go back on her word, so they _have_ to be friends- Yuri would just have to get used to it. Natsuki hesitated mentally, aware that if she wants friends, she will have to be nicer than that. _Or_, she thinks additionally, perhaps she herself would have to improve. Or perhaps they would have to meet in the middle somewhere.

But where she was already at was, at least, a start. Yuri met her gaze with a jolt, her first physical movement, aside from her hands, in the past two minutes. "You- you do?"

Natsuki nodded firmly, determinedly. She would love this novel if it was the last thing she ever did. "I do," she restated. "And I think you should tell me about why you chose it for me." Yuri looked hesitant, so Natsuki added, "I'll like it. I really will. I promise, alright?"

Yuri nodded at last. "Alright. So, um, Moshi Moshi is a story I thought you would truly enjoy, because it is a coming of age story. And I know that you like Manga that is sort of a similar genre and style. But, especially, I thought- well- perhaps I should simply tell you about the plot, and- and you'll see."

Natsuki gave an encouraging nod as she thumbed through random pages, scanning over the words printed pristinely on thick paper, so Yuri carried on with a new kind of confidence, the sort born of an innate skill that she just couldn't hide. "It's about a young girl who is coming of age, and trying to find her place in the word, and navigate being older. Everything she is dealing with, however, gets impossibly harder when her family is broken by a tragedy. Her father is killed in a tragic event, and she and her mother find themselves floundering for ground without him."

Here, Natsuki's motions stopped. Her eyes focused on the cover, but she listened intently, the unspoken commonalities she shared with this main character resonating in a way that not even Yuri might have anticipated. Yuri pushed ahead.

"It really hurts their relationship, you see, and it makes it hard for them to relate to one another. It's kind of like they don't know each other anymore. And now she, the main character, has to navigate life and figure out how to grow up like that, and put everything behind her." Yuri paused there, paused for a long time- uncertainly. Not in the way she usually did, because of her lack of self-confidence, but a different kind of uncertainty. Like she didn't know if she dared continue with what she intended to say. It made Natsuki's eyes come up to meet Yuri's, a silent invitation to go on.

"She sort of feels as if she's in a fish bowl, you know. Like everyone can see her. Everyone knows- all their family, and friends. Everybody at school as well. They know, but they can't say. And she wouldn't dare to speak of it- not even if anyone was brave enough to bring it up. It's a very lonely way for her to live, I think." Yuri glanced down at her hands, no longer able to hold the younger girl's gaze. "It must make you feel as if you'll never be worth anyone's putting up with you. It must make you feel like you're the only girl in the whole world."

Natsuki had been silent, still, her world closed in around their place on the park bench, not even wide enough to include the beautiful fountain behind them. Yuri's voice trailed off as she spoke, getting softer, quieter, until she stopped, leaving the air bereft of the sound anchoring Natsuki to the tiny world she could still process being in. The rose-haired girl blinked, swallowing. After an aching silence filled with her equal-parts discomfort and wonder, she clasped the novel over her chest tightly, using both arms, propping her chin on the top edge of the cover. Yuri must have seen the gears turning in her mind.

"Uh- Th-Thanks, Yuri." Words that were like a single bag of sand against a whole typhoon. Natsuki cleared her throat, and tried again, her voice a little louder this time. "I mean like- really, thanks. I think I'm really going to like this novel. I mean, I promised, didn't I? And I don't break promises." She felt awkward, because Yuri put some much thought into it, she made it so beautiful, and she displayed her understanding, her appreciation, for Natsuki and her struggles at the same time. Suddenly, Natsuki felt that her choices were inferior, and she squirmed a little as she tried to figure out what else she should say.

But all of a sudden, it seemed that Yuri had figured out how to ensure things went smoothly, too, because she spoke again. "I'm very glad, Natsuki. I- don't want to sound too bold, but I knew you would. I think I might be good at this." She smiled shyly and glanced down to her lap, before very earnestly returning her eyes to Natsuki's face. "And I really am excited to read your manga choices, Natsuki. I agree with you, I think you _do_ make good choices. And I really appreciate how you paid attention to the kinds of novels that I like to read and chose something you knew I would like. That was- that was really thoughtful of you. And I look forward to discussing the plot with you as I read. I mean-" she blushed, turning slightly away. "If you want to do that, of course."

Natsuki felt the weight lifted- so Yuri didn't think her offering paled in comparison? Well, if Yuri didn't think so, Natsuki wouldn't waste any time thinking so, either. She released a breath she hadn't meant to be holding, and sat up a little straighter. Pushing away her fears, she nodded with enthusiasm. "Well, of course I wanna do that. We should both talk about the plot. 'Cause otherwise we'll just be reading them alone, and that's no fun."

Yuri offered her a brighter smile- a lighter smile. The kind you didn't see all the time, especially not from someone like Yuri. "I would like that very much."

Natsuki nodded again, but this time more resolutely. "Then it's settled." She glanced at the time on her phone, and calculated. Her Papa would be home soon, and she would need to be home before he arrived. She wanted to have time to put her new book somewhere safe. And, of course, she didn't want to anger him anymore than she had to. "I should be getting home, I guess. Let's go and read- at least a chapter tonight." She was mostly promising to herself, knowing Yuri would have no trouble reading more than that. But for Natsuki, such an assignment was like homework- albeit, homework she actually wanted to do.

She pulled Yuri up by the hand with a little more force than she likely needed. "Deal?" she asked of the older girl.

Yuri smiled wider, looking down at Natsuki. "Deal."

Natsuki hesitated again, just for a few pounding seconds, before she made a bold move. Instead of letting go of Yuri's hand, she tugged the plum-haired girl closer to her, and then stood up on her tip-toes. Yuri made a sound of surprise, but not upset, as Natsuki, just for a moment, pressed her hand into Yuri's back and pulled her close in a rough, poorly planned hug. She leaned in closer and dropped a hurried kiss on Yuri's cheek. If Yuri had blinked, she would have missed it.

And just as soon as it began, it stopped. She stepped back away from Yuri and dared to glance up to the older girl's eyes, waiting for approval or denial. Yuri sucked in a breath of surprise, but her eyes didn't avoid Natsuki's face. Natsuki kept her hand hovering near Yuri's- releasing her, but inviting her back, her short but decorated nails brushing the back of Yuri's hand.

Yuri's long fingers, after a throbbing beat of dead silence between them, closed around Natsuki's hand, and the two of them strolled out of the park and towards the train station, books under arms, note in pocket, and hand in hand.

**[ 7:05 PM ]**

When the sun was setting and Natsuki collapsed across her bed in the exhaustion of another long day, she heard the crinkling sound of thick paper under her body weight. Momentarily confused, she sat bolt upright as the memory hit home._ I'd prefer if you read that note later._ Her hand slid into the pocket of her shorts, and her fingers closed around the missive. She straightened up, cross-legged on her bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and characters and several soft throw blankets, and she carefully unfolded the note. Turning it on an angle to make out Yuri's sweeping handwriting, she began to read.

_Natsuki;_

_I hope that you enjoy this novel. I picked it especially for you, and I am quite confident that you will find it  
suited to your interests. I hope, though, that you do not find my choice of plot for you too forward. I just_

_want you to know that even though I cannot directly sympathize with your situation, I do empathize with_

_it so much, and I want the best for you. We haven't been the closest, and I understand that. But if you need_

_or want a friend to support you, I would like to formally promise you that I will be here if you'll let me._

_Enjoy the novel!_

_Yours,_

_Yuri_

Natsuki swallowed, her eyes scanning the page again. In a way, she wished she had included a note with her contribution to Yuri, but it had seemed like Yuri understood what she meant anyway, and she was willing to put her faith in that. She and Yuri didn't have to be the same to be friends. She was finally starting to understand that.

Reaching for her phone on her bedside table, she laid back in her mass of pillows and stuffed animals, bringing up the messaging screen. Her recently-added texting thread for Yuri open, she typed out a rapid message and hit send without an ounce of hesitation.

_"of course i'll let you, anata."_

Only a few seconds later, a response popped onto her screen: a little row of the classic heart emoji in a mix of black and purple colors, followed by the words,

_"I'm glad. Will I see you tomorrow?"_

Natsuki sent back a cute, animated sticker emoji of a kitten with a crown of hearts dancing around its head, and the message,

_"you know you will."_

**a/n: ****important note: 'anata' (あなた) directly translates to "you" in english from japanese, but there are a lot of words meaning "you" in japanese that all have different meanings culturally. the politest/most common/most formal thing to do in japanese, is to not use pronouns or proper nouns at all. however, 'anata' is a version of the word "you" that is very informal and intimate and refers to a person very close to you, and has some romantic connotation, though it can be used otherwise. it's kind of like saying "sweetheart" in english. anyways, technically, that title-dropping line would just say "of course i'll let anata", because anata is just intimate "you", but this work is not written in japanese, clearly, and i've written a semi-redundant sentence to make up for that. also it's just cute sksksksk leaf me olone**

**this story has been inside of my brain since I first played the game, around the time that it came out, so it was time to get it out here. i suppose this is some alternate universe based on that temporarily "good" timeline, but hopefully one where there's no horror or suicide going on and monika can be there and be happy and maybe not be sentient. because that's usually a huge problem. oh, and the books/authors/mangas mentioned herein are real so check them out! i have read only the synopsis lol**

**anyways, i hope you enjoyed, and remember kids: reviews and favorites *are* in fact what gives me air to my lungs in this cold dead world. akdhfjfhf but thanks for reading and have a great day! 3**


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